Scared Wasteless

[wallycaine]

I've been thinking some on what I'm afraid of (and by thinking, I mean freaking out and then looking back on what I was freaking out about), and I've realized that the majority of my concerns hinge upon a sort of fear of losing friends. It's not quite a fear of abandonment, as these don't necessarily have to be friends that I deal with on a regular basis to raise this kind of fear. In fact, I'm more likely to get scared if I don't have contact on a regular basis, on the apparent thought that they are going to suddenly stop liking me, and never wish to see me again, with the absence between communication being held up as "proof" that they're avoiding me. Unfortunately, like all stupid fears, just the recognition of how stupid it doesn't usually help. In fact, even if they have legitimate reasons for the lack of contact, ranging from an unreliable internet to the fact that someone doesn't have an instant messenger to just plain business, it rarely seems to help calm me down, though it can help keep the logical portions of my brain from freaking out. I don't honestly know why I'm actually bothering to type this, since it's not really helping too much, and the chances of anything changing is slim enough as it is. Hell, I don't even know why things affect me this much... so why should I have any idea what's going to make it better. Well, until I figure it out better, I suppose it's time for sleep. Hopefully anyways.

-Why did I stay up, Wally C.